God, the truth ain't pretty. What I feel like in my head, and what I see in the mirror are two different things. The medicine I am on made me gain almost 40 lbs in one month. I am crushed. Didn't think I was so vain, but I am. Here is the truth. I hate it, this cumbersome blubbering waist that hangs so obviously above the line of my jeans. I try to tuck it in to no avail. I contemplate a serrated knife self surgery and scrap that idea quickly (I'm not crazy). Then I feel like crying. Self pity is so ugly. It really steals so much from a person, and I'm well aware of that.
But right now, just for this moment, I'll let a tear or two fall, as I go back to my closet to chose something else to wear to this retirement party for a fellow UPS-er. I miss my work. I miss my old life, and I guess I never grieved that. It's okay to be sad for a bit, but I can't stay there.
I'll load my walker up in my husband's rig (he went to the races with the kids!!) and go for a little bit to say "hi". It will be fine. I will be fine. Life goes on, and I am a very, very blessed woman.
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